Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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