If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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