if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
