just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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