I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
