I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
