I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize