I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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