i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I deserve this hangover.
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