i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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