I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
