Banned from zoo.
Again?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
