ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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