i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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