I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
