If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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