Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
