Apparently you make a good broom.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
