i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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