i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
