I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
