If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
