I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
