in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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