I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
