Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
