So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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