Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
