just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
