its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
no. you can't hotbox the world.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
