im holly from the hills drunk
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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