I'm so fucking centered right now
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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