Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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