I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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