I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
