someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
