you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
