no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I need to stop coming to work sober
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
