did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
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Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
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No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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