Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
