Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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