I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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