so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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