dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize