it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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