Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
