i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I could make wine with my vomit
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
