there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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