I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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