Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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