She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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