youre lurking in front of me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
