think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
there is puke in my bra ... again
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