She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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