Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
