Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
