After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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