I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
