As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
